Smell My Fingers

My hands smell like peanut butter. Over the past few hours, I’ve sniffed and resniffed, and it’s confirmed – definitely peanut butter. Given that I haven’t ingested any in weeks (and have most certainly washed my hands in the interim, thank you very much), this has thrown me into a tailspin of confusion and self-doubt. After I came dangerously close to picking her nose, my roommate assured me I smelled only of hand lotion. But then again, she has her own host of olfactory issues – differentiating between skunk and marijuana, for example, is not her strong suit. I am no longer mollified. Have I been mis-smelling for all these years? Or perhaps I’ve always had a faint peanut buttery-ness about me and just never noticed before? Why didn’t anyone tell me? What will the neighbors think?